i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
