Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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