see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
