i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
