ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
