I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
