Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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