I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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