There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
