Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
