Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
