dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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