We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
