Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
