so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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