I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
