Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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