Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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