Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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