i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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