hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
