Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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