I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
