i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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