my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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