he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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