I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
