So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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