You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
