I'll bet she douches with gravy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I party with great urgency now.
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