that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
