I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
