Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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