Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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