I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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