I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
