did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
