Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
