I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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