well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
