I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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