I hope mine doesn't look like that
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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