see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
