I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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