i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
