I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
