omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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