I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
