Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
