Christians are straight up FREAKS
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
