i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
