I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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