see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
