she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
