to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's paint friendship bongs
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
