Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
