she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
